Snap out of you trance

 

 

Snap out of you trance, and be more attentive to the nights that she needs you more than she lead you to believe. Send that morning text to remind her she's the first in your mind when you're still dazed and confused waking up from seeing her in your dream and that good night reminder that at the end of the day her name still cross your subconscious.

Let her head knows how much you love her. Often she forgot that you do, despite deep in her heart she knows that you've mentioned it a bundle of times with your action.

She doesn't come with a price tag but there are certain costs you need to pay to keep her happy which involves your time, attention and even vulnerability. Bare your demons to her and if she is the right girl — she would be able to calm your demons down rather than run away out of fear.

You chose her for a reason and don't let it slip your mind that the same reason might be the motivation for another guy to snatch her away from you.

 

No ending to begin again.

 Anxiety fills my lung when I even as much as think about — "begin again"

I always set no relationship expectation with the guys that I'm talking to and in fact I made it clear to them that being someone's scared me enough to actually ghost on them.

To have no label with someone will make my self free from being owned. There will be no rules and law about being "the girl that he talks to — even when he wants more". As free as it sounds, loneliness tend to creep in at night especially on the days that you need human connection the most.

Perhaps the fact that there could be no sin to be applied to a bond with no label. Going for dinner with another person would not be considered as cheating and there would never be an ending since there was no beginning.

The innocent butterflies in your tummy when they walk over and the small little things would always be appreciate as the effort was poured even without a valid label for one of them to do so.

But what happens when love comes in the story?

Such a beautiful word comes with heavy consequences.

and so my immature fucked up mind tend to fall for someone that I know beforehand won't love me back. That tricks works wonder and let me survived my teenage years without being serious in a relationship that won't last anyway.

I forgot how it feels to be so in love with a soul that you became greedy with their time and attention to the point of obsession.

But do i want to put myself through that again?

selfishly blinded to be distracted from him.

There will be a soul that you will always devote your love to — even after the feeling has long gone.

Take your mind off that name who pops up in your head the moment you read above line.

You will start to be conscious of all the loves that you had been unconsciously blocked from absorbing.

Stare at your parent's features a little longer. Stare until you doubt yourself if the number of grey hairs  on your mother hair increased — and if it is another wrinkle on your father's forehead.

They are growing older too, don't they? 

When you stop gazing at your screen hoping he would reply to the twenty text messages you had sent prior — just in case he missed the call while showering. You would start noticing the unread text received from your old friends who spare a minute in their busy schedule just to check up on you.

You would only need to send 'hey' and you'll get a reply within seconds from the people who waits for your call.

When his name naturally feels bitter rolling off your tongue and you stopped mentioning the memories — you would realize there are plenty of tea ready to be spilled in your empty cups as your world didn't stop spinning when he left after all.

You will be able to appreciate the glow of the moon without remembering how he once promised to love you from earth to the moon and back.

You will be able to dance under the rain without having tears rolling down your cheek — as the memory of him walking away on that one rainy day, burns your lung.

Breath baby — inhale the love and exhale the pain.


Take a second to remember when was the last time you heard your best friend laughed?
Is everything okay at home?

Were the bruises really come from falling the stairs?

Notice how she tends to wear long sleeves to hide her arms and calls it fashion instead.

That nice guy who you had been stringing along knowing he adores you like a goddess.

Notice how he got rid of his habit of putting his phone on silent at night — just in case you need someone to talk to and his name cross your mind.

Notice how often he asked about your day and if you are feeling alright — notice the genuine care in his voice.

Maybe deep inside you are aware of all of this but you are selfishly blinded to be distracted from him.