No ending to begin again.

 Anxiety fills my lung when I even as much as think about — "begin again"

I always set no relationship expectation with the guys that I'm talking to and in fact I made it clear to them that being someone's scared me enough to actually ghost on them.

To have no label with someone will make my self free from being owned. There will be no rules and law about being "the girl that he talks to — even when he wants more". As free as it sounds, loneliness tend to creep in at night especially on the days that you need human connection the most.

Perhaps the fact that there could be no sin to be applied to a bond with no label. Going for dinner with another person would not be considered as cheating and there would never be an ending since there was no beginning.

The innocent butterflies in your tummy when they walk over and the small little things would always be appreciate as the effort was poured even without a valid label for one of them to do so.

But what happens when love comes in the story?

Such a beautiful word comes with heavy consequences.

and so my immature fucked up mind tend to fall for someone that I know beforehand won't love me back. That tricks works wonder and let me survived my teenage years without being serious in a relationship that won't last anyway.

I forgot how it feels to be so in love with a soul that you became greedy with their time and attention to the point of obsession.

But do i want to put myself through that again?