To fear the aftermath — is what makes me human.

 

"choose, or loose both" they said.

For all they care, it was about me being greedy for wanting the benefit of both options. Little did they failed to dig deeper, is the terrifying consequence I had to face upon choosing.

What a privilege it is to have freedom to choose. That only goes for those who are not afraid to voice out their decision and bare the outcome.

To fear the aftermath — is what makes me human.

There will be a phase right after a tornado break-up, you will feel the peace in being single and the universe having sick sense oh humor and all will cross your path with a kind soul whom would love you for the rest of their life — only that you don't allow him to.

At some point of your life the karma would then ask cupid to entangle your love to the one who can't love you back — for punishment of not giving the chance, to the one who does.

The guy that I left when I was 18 had it enough of me — running away and so he tricked me with clarifying what I want rather than making me choose.

It ended up becoming my habit. I clarify so I don't have to choose.

I remember he crooked his eyebrows out of pain and there's a slight vibration in his tone to control the fear of giving me the ultimatum.

"Flip the coin. If it's head — give me a chance to cross the friendship line and if it's tail — I'll walk away."

For a split second when the coin was in the air and I was too focus on hoping what the outcome would be to listen to my inner voices — I realized I got my answer.

His lack of existence was not enough for me to release my other options that wanted to stay regardless knowing they are only one of my choices.

It was immature and rude of me to have that crossed my mind but I was young, barely healing and it's a big step for me to actually know what I want even if it kills another soul.