I’m not the girl your mother warns you about

I’m not the girl your mother warns you about.

I won’t kiss your best friend or break your heart.

I won’t make you choose between doing what makes you happy and spend time with me.

I’m not cold. I’m not reckless.

I’m the girl your father compare to your mother when she was younger.

I’m the girl that gets away.


I will love you more than anyone knows how to.

I will kiss you when your demons overwhelmed your senses.

I will stand by your side until you decide otherwise.

Boy you’re a lot like your father — and so I believe you will leave.

Not realizing you were too young to know what love is.

You’ll let me go and I won’t look back —  but you will.

I promise you, you will.

Because I’m that girl who will cross your mind the day you're contemplating about putting a ring on her once you're older.

If love turns lonely. let it go.

How much pain do you have to tolerate until it is okay to give up?

They said the one who leave first in a relationship, is the cruel one without knowing the one who got left behind was too toxic to be kept around.

let the hardest part, be the moment you walk away and find someone easier to love.




Whether it's you or him, people tend to ask who leaves first.

And they swallow the deeper questions of what makes that person leave.

For those who are holding on to the last shred of hope — maybe it's time for you to question your tears and worth.

It's time someone tells your that —

It is okay to give up.

You are allowed to leave.

Some people does not deserve an explanation as to why you choose to do what you did.

There was a time that human made you happier than you were before his existence. Take a second to look at your faded smile in the mirror and ask — would it be fair for your future self to hold on to that limited level of happiness out of appreciation

when right now at the present — the same person kills the soul out of your eyes.

When being besides him makes you mind wonder if he's actually there.

If love turns lonely. let it go.

a compatible soul who fits yours just right

"The devil is not a tiny red man with evil laugh. He could have a lulling voice that reminds you of the ocean, a warm hug that makes you question — if going to hell is worth it if it means you get to hold his hands all the way down and dear, the beautiful devil can even shade tears when he needs it"

Being an emotional creature, females usually tend to classify souls with dicks to be a devil when some of them can be an angel in disguise.

There would be a soul out there who will fit yours that it makes you fail to recall, how was life before you found them. There are also cases where you mistakenly categories your soul mate as that one friend who stays in friend-zone forever — just so it won't end.

You thought you have time to come back and pay attention to the details so why not enjoy life with chasing the fuckboys with baggy hoodies and "do me" cap.

Chase the boys who scream danger so we can say "they are all the same" when he messes up your life — just like the labels that you read on them before you said hey.

You will stumble upon someone that you won't categories him as only a guy — but rather a compatible soul who fits yours just right.

Turns out The Ice Queen was a little warmer than she liked to make out to be

She was an urban legend. Small smirks would be thrown in your direction if you were to ask about her in a locker room or a girls bathroom. Someone people told their younger siblings about when they wanted to brag about how dope being a teenager was. The details would always change but the ending stays the same. "That girl has a serious daddy issue". With a giggle they added "She never cares". According to people that was the root to all of her problems. She cared about nothing and no one - even herself. Some called her "The Ice Queen" for she never smiles nor spared second glances to people as if they were merely peasants. 

No one knows the real story or perhaps - no one dares to ask. Not until the new boy moved in town. The curious boy made a fatal mistake when he asked the Ice Queen's name to the girls who were telling the juniors about her. "Maria" they said - almost whispering as if it was a secret one shall never ask. 

"Ask me". He got chills right up to his bones when he heard that command. It was comical how the girls immediately scrambled and left the hallway empty in a second. He turned around and what he saw almost gave him heart attack. Because there - in front of him stood a magnificent beauty. She had long auburn hair braided in pale blue ribbons and eyes bluer than the ocean. It was almost magical if it wasn't for the missing sparks. It took everything in him to look into her eyes for he feared he would be lost in it. He made an audible sound when he cleared his throat before he asked the forbidden question - "Who destroyed your soul?"

She tilted her head curiously and gave him a genuine smile. He was stunned - turns out the Ice Queen was a little warmer than she liked to make out to be. Minutes passed until she finally spoke. "My father used his last breath to tell me that I was a sad excuse of a daughter. That day, I had more blood in my hands than tears in my eyes". With a smirk she left him stunned and walked away.

a letter for a stranger at the library

 

To the boy at the table near the back of the library ― 

I almost asked you what was wrong the first time i saw you frowned so hard that your eyebrows creased, and a minute after; your eyes goes wide out of shock and you blinked a few times before letting out a long sigh. The glistering in your eyes didn't go unnoticed as you tried to blink back the tears ― It was then when i saw you folded a page on the book that you were reading, and i realized all those reactions that you unconsciously made were because of it. To say that i was "Interested" was an understatement because i could literally felt how my eyes, mind and attention slowly being drowned by your soundless attraction ― I had never read anything that made me so engross to the point of i shut off the real world.

Curiosity got the best of me and I found myself searching for the book that you read, and guess what? ―  I let out a deep sigh too, i even shed tears on the page that you folded. ― That was how it started. Every time i go to the library, you almost always there, usually with a completely new book. Sometimes you grinned so hard that your dimples pop out, sometimes you clenched you jaw out of anger and there are times when you were almost thrown out by the librarian on duty because you would semi–yelled at the character of the book. Spending so much time in the library you should remember that one of the library rules is to be quiet. I remember the first time i heard your voice was when you shouted "are you kidding me, why did he die?!" because the author decided to kill your favorite character and when you finally finished the book ―  I would grab it and spend three days straight reading the book. if only you noticed how my name would always come next to you on the book borrowing list.

 

That was it, really ― until i realized how gorgeous you are. you're not attractive in normal kind of way, but when you smile, it lights up your face in the best kind of way.

I wish you'd notice me, sitting a few tables away from you, reading the book you were reading a few days ago. i wish you'd smile at me. I don't have the guts to talk to you. I'm afraid you won't be anything at all like I imagine.

One of these days, I will work up the courage and I will ask you about the book you're reading. And maybe you will give me that gorgeous smile of yours and tell me all about it, and then we will talk about all the books we have read and compare our favorite book. I will convince you to read the book that left the biggest impact on me. But until then, thank you for the book recommendations. I love them.

― Love, the girl a few tables away from yours

If staying feels a lot like sacrificing wouldn't letting go means you saved yourself?

Letting go. 

 

To let go — requires you to accumulate an overwhelming amount of strength. It is not easy nor painless but most of the times we are thrown in the situation where we have to let go to save what's left of ourselves. The rule of hello would be followed by goodbyes. Feelings fade and here is the bitter truth — you will never able to forget the person you love, you simply will find another human to love more.

No amount of love and sacrifices could alter fate. If the love is wrong — you have to let go. Some people chose to stay for they mistook toxic vibes with proving their loyalty. Baby, if staying feels a lot like sacrificing — wouldn't letting go means you saved yourself?

I remember when I just learned how to read subtitles and mama sheds tears from watching Titanic . out of pure curiosity I asked her “why do we have to let go of someone that we love?” She gave me a small smile and said; “This world is ugly my dear, and most of the time something as pure as love does not stand a chance against it.” 

I hate to grow up and learn my lesson in love — only to be given the same exact advise 15 years later. I gave it some thought and mama was right. Love alone will never be enough of a reason to be loyal to the wrong soul. You are bound to meet your soulmate somewhere out there and delaying leaving would only make you miss a lot of opportunities to fine the one.

Do you know how can i tell when you are sad?

"Do you know how can i tell when you are sad?"

It is devastating how you really thought you got the sadness swept under the rug 

but from the eye of the person who loves you — it shows.

You joke more than usual so the people around you will laugh loud enough to cover your silence and you smile constantly especially when someone look you straight in the eyes as if the director in your head keep on reminding you of your queue to do so. The giggle and glow in your chuckle would be camouflage with one tone laugh.

My dear your laugh sounds like home and it warms out the stress out of people around you and I had always been amazed on how contiguous your chuckle is. It is the kind of laugh that make your eyes squeezed shut and you will eventually be out of breath. 

but when you are sad, your laugh would washed out faster than it usually last.

The truth lays in your eyes when it stays open and not a trace of humor were in it. If one cares to listen carefully — your laugh sounds a lot like a cry for help when you're sad.

On the days that you are sad — you tend to ask people twice for each "i'm fine" they replied and that stare you gave them when you silently remind them you would be there if they need someone. This habit of yours came from that deep sadness you brushed off and most people believe you are strong enough not to lie about being okay.

You would make sure to feed the people around that seem like having a bad day with little sweet stuff like candies since you know eating something heavy would makes you throw up right after you shove foods down your throat. Being a girl it would be believable for people to accept when you gave diet as an excuse not to eat.

 

The dark circles under your eyes and the hollowness inside it are solid proof that your body couldn't disguise your sadness even with layers of concealer.

Baby did you wait until the sun comes up to keep the nightmares away again?

If one listens careful enough — they will hear the occasional deep sigh you took that sound as sorrow as your cry.

You're a social butterfly who make everyone around you think they are so close to you and there you are — floating soul looking from the outside — separated with a thin invisible wall that plays as your defense.

That my dear, is how I can tell when you are sad. Surprise — are you not? To know someone cares enough to be able to observe your defense mechanism that you put on each time you're sad.