The reason would be

If someone were to ask me out of genuine curiosity, how does he looks like from the eye of an Amelia — I would whisper to them how his wings almost blinded me at times and how my heartbeats often find it's way to match his tones.



His presence is strongly engraved in my subconscious mind to the point — I can hear his voice whilst reading his text. Isn't that just my body telling me that he is an important existence in my life? even my breathing got affected merely by the mention of his name.


I know him well enough to self praise my effort of being an almost equally important existence in his life. It takes a very special soul for someone like him to bare his demons and uncorrupted kindness to.





Although there are days when I feel utterly greedy in love that not being able to call you mine, despite being yours — actually kills me.





There is something addictive with loving someone who loves you back not equally.

can i move on?

I just want to find the right words to tell you that I want to move on, I want to be happy, I want to let you go, but I’m still trying to figure out where we went wrong. When did it all fall apart? I really believed that this was something worth fighting for, but somewhere along the way I was proven wrong. I think what’s worse than losing someone, is not knowing why you lost them, and  i honestly don't know how and when do i lost you?


 

There’s going to be weak days where i lay there and cry at the mistake i made. I will regret losing you, go through your pictures that i still have saved and punish myself for ruining everything we had. I will try to avoid texting you, either by deleting your number or thinking of how utterly blunt you are when you reply.

There will also be days where i feel strong. I feel as if i can move on, i don’t need to talk to you and even thinking of you just reminds me of how much you are holding me back. The days where i feel like i’m done with you and i don’t care anymore. But i do. And even though i know i am not completely moved on, i do know that i am getting stronger everyday and soon i will be happy again.
I can’t wait to find someone who made me feel the way you made me feel, you were truly amazing. I don’t want to forget you. I won’t let that happen, you will always be in my heart. Now i have started to see that i can move on, will move on, and that’s good.

                            honestly I don’t know how I lost you